shards of something else.

just grey......

hmm..... i sometimes wonder how transparent and genuine i'm being. it seems like nthg happens to me.... all there ever is when ppl ask me "what's up" is "school"....... am i fooling everyone? i don't think so. it really does take up pretty much all of my day..... otherwise there is family and church. as much as i want one i still don't have much of a social life..... i don't have relationship problems with any of my friends and i don't have boy problems and i'm not in the pits right now b/c of anything. it seems that i lead a simple life...... maybe b/c i seek simplicity. i don't have stories to tell ppl when they ask me how i am.... and it's not b/c i'm putting up a facade. my life right now really is colourless! i hate having no colour...... i am an artist. i adore colour. well, maybe i'm just not colourFUL...... *bah.* maybe upon examination i would find tons of problems with me, but for now, i am "fine".

on another note...... i really really hate how eloquence escapes me...... especially when i really want to say something but i don't know how, or worse, i say something anyway and it comes out all wrong. i would like to think that, sometimes, silence is indeed golden...... but when u're across the miles, how do u comfort someone with silence?? they're struggling and they've heard it all a thousand times. i would've liked to be there and just sit with them. i read their thoughts.... clearly everything that could ever be said has been said.... they don't need to hear it again. SOME comfort would've been nice to give..... some new thing to say might've been nice. some of my friends do it well..... they have a gift. i am in awe of the words that come out of them..... beautiful phrases. or else they know their hearts, and can say things w/o eloquence. i am neither gifted with speech nor knowledge of what my struggling friends need to hear....... and i also don't want to say things i don't mean, or make promises i can't keep. so i refrain from saying anything. silence shall be my gift. will u open it?